How Jeanette Winterson and her ‘Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal’ helped me cope with anxiety

I had no one to help me, but Jeanette Winterson helped me. In 2018 I won the Villa Sarkia writing residency, for which I had to travel to ...

I had no one to help me, but Jeanette Winterson helped me.

In 2018 I won the Villa Sarkia writing residency, for which I had to travel to beautiful and brutally cold Finland. It was my first international trip and my first solo one. As much as I wanted to go, I also didn’t want to go.

For most of my life I have struggled with clinical depression and anxiety, but the struggle has been exceptionally great for the past few years. One part of my fight with generalised anxiety disorder is that travelling is not easy for me. It’s not the fear of flying, but the fear of what happens once the plane lands. As a coping mechanism, I make lists to prepare myself as best I can for impending doom. And this time was no different.

My first panic attack came when I was packing my winter clothes. I paused for a bit, took a few deep, calming breaths, and made a list of things that could go wrong.

1. I could be robbed and lose my passport.
2. I could be in an accident with no one to take care of me.
3. I could fall ill.
4. I could get lost in the jungle. (In the film Kamome Shokudo, set in Helsinki,...

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